


Two Men Went to Mope

by Soulstarsinger (soulstar)



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/M, Gen, Humor, Male Bonding, Post-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-11-09
Updated: 1999-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-08 14:19:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1944405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soulstar/pseuds/Soulstarsinger
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike and Xander are remembering their lost loves, and having a bit of a drunken bonding moment. Buffy is less than impressed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Two Men Went to Mope

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Beth and Gunbunny for beta-ing.  
> This is my very belated fill for my own challenge:  
> * Include Spike in a major role! Hero / villain, I don't care. Any classification / type of fic you want.  
> * Include the following quote:  
> "But surely it is something to have been  
> The best beloved for a little while,  
> To have walked hand in hand with love, and seen  
> His purple wings flit once across thy smile"  
> * And include at least 2 of the following in some way: A black cat; Michael Caine (or a Michael Caine film); Shoe polish; Velvet curtains; An alarm clock; Damp grass; Dark blue nail polish.  
> DISCLAIMER: Everything related to _Buffy_ and _Angel_ belongs to Joss and co. Nothing to do with me... I'm just borrowing.  
>  SPOILERS: Set in Buffy Season 4, Angel Season 1, but written before I'd seen them, so vague stuff up to early in those seasons, except that Anya didn't come back, and Riley's not really around either.

The two figures lay prone, side by side on the damp grass of the cemetery. Suddenly, one of them shot an arm up, pointing to the sky.

"She's a staaaaaaar!" he warbled, horribly off-key. The other figure reached out and batted the arm back down again.

"Shuddup. Wheressa bottle?"

" 'ck'off.... s'mine." There was a brief scuffle, then the first figure reluctantly surrendered the bottle he'd been clutching. "Don' care.... got more." he muttered. For a few moments there was peace as the two drank. Then,

"Still can' believe she's gone..."

"Yeah, she was my princess, y'know... my beautiful dark princess..."

The dark haired, second figure jerked upright and began thumping the shoulder of the still prone blonde man. "No! No, no, no, notta princess! She's a queen!"

The blonde nodded and took another swig from his bottle. "A goddess, thass it. Worshipped her."

"Miss the way she walks."

"Yeah... like a... like a cat... graceful... big black cat... panther.... when iss prowlin'...."

"All sinu.. sinis... sisis... all slinky." There was another moment of silence while they both thought about that.

"Wanna stroke her hair 'gain. Got lovely dark hair."

"Dark and shiny.... like shoe polish!" The darker man decided. Flailing his limbs, he sat up again, then leaned forward so he was almost bent in half, and peered at the other man's badly scuffed boots. "You don' use shoe polish. Whyssat?" With another exaggerated movement he flopped onto his back again. The blonde man took another drink.

" 'm too 'ard, mate. Don' polish shoes. 'm a badass."

The darker man snorted. "You're too hard to polish your shoes, but ya paint your nails. Seen you. Dark blue."

The blonde man snarled, and flipping over, grabbed his companion by the throat. "Yeah? What of it?" he growled.

"Nothin'!" squeaked the dark haired man. " 's cool!"

The blonde released his death grip and leaned back on his elbow. "Good." He raised his bottle. "Cheers."

The dark haired man left off rubbing his neck, and clinked his own bottle against the blonde's. Then they both sprawled on the grass again, eyes closed.

"Oh God!" The new voice was female, and it didn't sound happy. "Spike!! What did you do to Xander?" The darker man opened his eyes and peered blearily at the figure standing above him.

" 's'Buffy!" he announced. "She's my bud."

The blonde waved a hand in her general direction, not bothering to open his eyes. "Schlayer." he stated. Xander tried to hit him on the arm, but missed.

"No, 's'Buffy!"

"Buff Buff Buff Buff... oof!" Spike was cut off in mid-flow as Buffy kicked him in the side.

"Oh God, you're both drunk! Spike, I'm holding you to blame for this! And Xander, what were you thinking?! Drink bad, remember?"

" 'lone" he replied

"What?"

" 's'cos were all alone, Slayer." Spike opened his eyes and looked at her. "You too." Xander grunted in agreement as Buffy heaved a sigh.

"Oh great, moping. Just what I needed."

"An' y'know what?" Spike continued as if she hadn't spoken.

"Whaaa?" Xander slurred as Spike struggled to a sitting position.

"D'you know _why_ we're alone? Hmmm? It's the same reason. The same sodding bastard!"

Buffy rubbed her hand over her eyes. "Spike, what _are_ you talking about?"

"Angelus." he spat, and clapped his hand to his chest. "He stole _my_ Dru, he's got _his_ Cordy running around after him in L-bloody-A, and as for _you_...." He swung his arm to point at her and she smacked it away.

"Yes, I know, he left me. Let's bring that up one more time, shall we?"

Xander sat up too. "Jus' did." He looked unsteadily at Spike. " 's'right. All Angel's fault."

"Yeah. So lets kill 'im."

"Yeah!" They clinked bottles again and drank. Buffy grabbed Xander's arm and began to heave him up.

"OK you two. Time to go."

"We goin' t'kill the poof?"

"No," she dragged Spike upright "not right now."

"Why not?" Xander complained.

"Because I say so."

"Yeah Slayer, like you can stop us!"

"Spike, you can't even stand up without my help."

"Oh... yeah."

Buffy arranged them on either side of her, and the trio made their way out of the cemetery, the silence only broken by the occasional burst of drunken song. They'd made it almost halfway home when Spike suddenly stopped, jerking the other two to a halt as well.

"But surely it is something to have been  
The best beloved for a little while,  
To have walked hand in hand with love, and seen  
His purple wings flit once across thy smile" he declaimed, flinging out an arm for emphasis.

"That's nice, Spike." Buffy ground out. "Can we start walking again now?" Just then, Xander pulled himself away from her, and swayed round to face Spike, putting both hands on Spike's shoulders.

"That was beautiful, man." He sniffled a little. "I love you!" and he hugged Spike, toppling them both to the ground where they lay unmoving. Buffy threw her hands in the air.

"Why me?!" she wailed, and flopped to sit beside them. Xander had started to snore, and Spike just looked... well... dead. Heaving another sigh, Buffy leaned over and pulled the bottle from Spike's limp grasp, uncapped it, and took a swig. "Happy Valentines Day to you too, guys."

END


End file.
